Brackenfur and Graystripe's Donut Shoppe
by Quillfang
Summary: Brackenfur opens up a donut shop with the help of his old mentor as head chef, Graystripe, and a crazy Shrewpaw. Follow Brackenfur as he tries to keep sanity and order in his crazy, hilarious, Donut Shoppe.
1. The Grand Opening

**I don't own _Warriors_. If I did, Daisy would be dead. Not Ferncloud. Oh well :P **

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Brackenfur stared out into the sea of patrons, seated inside the eating area of the Donut Shoppe. He tapped the microphone with his claw, causing the horrible screeching noise to come from the speakers.

"Hey, come on!" one cat whined from the crowd. Brackenfur shrugged.

"Sorry, everyone. But I'd like to officially welcome you all to the Grand Opening of - "

"BRACKENFUR AND GRAYSTRIPE'S DONUT SHOP!" Shrewpaw yelled, hopping around and carrying a big cardboard sign with the name of the restaurant printed on it in bright neon green. Brackenfur sighed, face-palming.

"Thank you, Shrewpaw." He looked up and pointed at the energetic advertiser. "That it Shrewpaw. He needs service hours for school, so he will help out here."

"Hey, if this is - " Hollyleaf asked, raising her paw from a booth she was in with Fallen Leaves.

"BRACKENFUR AND GRAYSTRIPE'S DONUT SHOP!" Shrewpaw yowled, doing cartwheels through the isles while holding his sign.

"Yeah, that," the she-cat grumbled. "Where is - "

"GRAYSTRIPE!"

"Shrewpaw, come here this instant!" Ferncloud screeched from a table in the middle of the room with Dustpelt, Spiderleg, Hollykit, and Larchkit. "You are to stop interrupting people right now!"

"Sorry, mom," Shrewpaw mumbled, staring at his paws. "I'll stop interrupting everyone by saying BRACKENFUR AND GRAYSTRIPE'S DONUT SHOP!" Ferncloud snatched the sign away and sat Shrewpaw down. Dustpelt buried his head in his paws with embarrassment. Brackenfur rolled his eyes and tapped on the microphone again.

"Ahem," he meowed loudly. "Graystripe is in the kitchen preparing the first donuts for the Grand Opening."

"Then where is he?" Mousefur snapped. "You young cats are never on time with fresh-kill! You need to hurry up."

Hollyleaf coughed. "Graystripe isn't that young anymore," she reminded.

"Well you are, missy, and you need to learn respect!" the dusky she-cat yelled.

Just then, Graystripe burst out from behind the counter with trays of donuts balancing on his forepaws, his tail, and his head.

"Donuts here!" he announced, hopping into the eating area.

"Wait, Graystripe!" Brackenfur exclaimed, reaching his paw out.

But it was much too late.

All the patrons leaped onto Graystripe, trying to get to the donuts. Brackenfur turned around and sighed.

"Welcome to - "

"BRACKENFUR AND GRAYSTRIPE'S DONUT SHOP!"

"Yes," Brackenfur grumbled. "Welcome."

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**So, my first spoof! :D How do you like it? Funny? Not enough? Leave a review; it means a lot. **


	2. Catering

**I don't own _Warriors_. NO REALLY? **

**Brackenfern- Indeed :D I've been planning this for a while. **

**Stormbreeze100- There's a Ravenpaw's Cafe? Never heard of that... I'll check it out, I suppose. **

**HalfSun- Yep XD **

**Echofall- I have plans for Shrewpaw. It'll be fun writing his part. **

**Updates every day! Leave a review!**

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Brackenfur stared at the chaos at the aftermath of the Grand Opening. After Graystripe had been massacred for the donuts, he had been in a very bad state from being trampled and clawed, with broken bones, blood loss, and for some reason, donuts shoved down his throat. Brackenfur had sent his unfortunate former mentor to the Medicine Den, the local hospital run by Sagewhisker, and then forced Shrewpaw back home. And now he was alone to clean up the mess.

Sighing, he took a broom and began sweeping up the remains of donuts and the occasional tuft of fur, wrenched claw, or whisker. He scowled as he scraped the remains into the dust pan then dumping them into a garbage can. He Then got a mop and began cleaning up the water spills and occasional blood stains.

"You know," he meowed out loud. "I thought this was going to be a nice, peaceful, quiet job."

The bell over the door rang the next day as Brackenfur arranged a display of pink frosted pastries decorated with mint leaves and icing. He looked up and saw Dovewing stomping into his shop, her eyes blazing.

"Hello and welcome to - " Brackenfur began, when Shrewpaw jumped up from behind the counter.

"BRACKENFUR AND GRAYSTRIPE'S DONUT SHOP!" The gray-furred apprentice screamed. "WHERE WE MAKE THE BEST PASTRIES IN THE FOREST EVEN THOUGH WE JUST OPENED YESTERDAY SO THAT MIGHT NOT BE TRUE YOU KNOW BECAUSE ROSETAIL OWNS A CAKE SHOP DOWN NEAR THE SANDY HOLLOW BUT ANYWAYS! WOULD YOU LIKE A SAMPLE?!"

When Dovewing just stared at him, starting to inch backwards, Shrewpaw started up again.

"WELL, WOULD YOU? WOULD Y - "

"Sorry about this mouse-brain," Brackenfur apologized, shoving the apprentice into a cupboard.

"HEY WHAT WAS THAT FOR OOH THERE IS ICING IN HERE I LOVE ICING YOU KNOW - "

"What would you like to purchase?"

Dovewing finally stopped staring and leaned up on the counter. "I am beginning to date Bumblestripe, as you know," she started. Brackenfur stifled a sigh. The self-centered she-cat had made that very clear, even posting it in the Fourtrees Gazette. "And we're going on a date. Here. Tomorrow night."

"So..." Brackenfur mewed, pulling out a pad of paper to begin writing down her order. "What is it that you need? Donuts? Turnovers? Ice Cream?"

Dovewing stood up and started pacing. "I need the shop! I need you to decorate it! Stars, trees, glitter! I LOOOOOOOOVE glitter! I must make a good first impression So I need you to reserve everything. EVERYTHING I TELL YOU! EVERYTHING!" She stopped pacing and grabbed Brackenfur by his non-existent collar. His eyes widened as he was shaken.

"Okay, okay!" he hissed, pulling away. He made a note on his pad. "'Reserve everything. Close shop for...'" He looked up. "How long will this date be?"

"As long as it takes."

"What?"

"AS! LONG! AS! IT! TAKES! DO YOU HEAR ME - "

"I hear you!" Brackenfur sighed. This business was becoming dangerous, and he had just opened it yesterday. "'Closed indefinitely.'"

"What is indefinitely?" Dovewing asked, then was flung back into her frenzy again. "WHAT DOES IT MEAN? HMM? WHAAAAAAAAA - "

"IT MEANS FOR AS LONG AS IT TAKES!" Brackenfur exclaimed. "There! I'll get right to work!"

Dovewing narrowed her eyes. "We'll be here at seven o'clock P.M. Sharp. SEVEN PEE EM SHARP TOMORROW! DO YOU HEAR?!"

"Yes!"

"Good!"

The bell chimed cheerfully as the crazy she-cat left the shop. Brackenfur put his head in his paws.

"Oh, joy." He was about to start working on the donuts again when the door chime rang again. This time, Ivypool stalked inside. Brackenfur rolled his eyes and pulled Shrewpaw out.

"THANK YOU FOR GETTING ME OUT OF THERE OH HI IVYPOOL WELCOME TO BRACKENFUR AND GRAYSTRIPE'S DONUT SHOP WHERE WE MAKE THE BEST PASTRIES IN THE FOREST WELL WE AREN'T SURE THAT THIS FACT IS TRUE - "

"Hello, Miss," Brackenfur interrupted. "What would you like to purchase? We have a delivery service so you don't have to take large orders to your den by yourself, and you can check out our online websites, B& , Pawbook, or Twitter."

"Yes yes," Ivypool said. "I saw Dovewing coming out of here screaming her head off about her date with Bumblestripe here. Now," she said. "I'd like to place an order for ten thousand yellow icing donuts with black icing and orange sprinkles, all shipped to this address. She scribbled down a house address and gave it to him. "All there by tomorrow night, around 7 PM. Sharp." Brackenfur sighed.

"What is this for?" he asked.

"Oh, a little party I have planned."

"For what?"

"You'll hear about it the day after tomorrow," she told him, then reached out and shook his paw. "Thank you, Brackenfur." She turned around and walked out. Brackenfur turned around and face-pawed.

"WELL WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO BECAUSE GRAYSTRIPE ISN'T HERE TO HELP YOU OUT MAKING THESE DONUTS OH WELL CAN I HELP PLEASE I'VE GOT A GOOD RECORD IN MOST PLACES AND I CAN COOK WITHOUT KILLING YOU WITH FUMES OR ANYTHING SO CAN I HELP?" Shrewpaw asked, hopping around.

"Yes, I'll need your help," Brackenfur sighed. "But do only – ONLY – what I tell you to do."

"YAY THANK YOU SO MUCH THIS WILL HELP WITH MY TEN HUNDRED THOUSAND SERVICE HOURS - "

"Wait," Brackenfur's eyes widened. "Ten. Hundred. Thousand service hours? That's how many you need?"

"YEE-AS."

"But when I was an apprentice," he mewed, dumbfounded. "It was only ten hours."

"NOPE WE GET TEN HUNDRED THOUSAND."

"Great."


	3. Don't Leave Out Cloning Guns, Kids

**Warroros faen- Thank you. It was supposed to be random, and I see that Shrewpaw is growing in popularity. To respond to your first review, I know that cats don't have donuts, but this is a spoof. Spoofs, parodies, whatever, don't have to have to have much logic. X3**

**LeopardFang- Thank you!**

**Echofall- Yeah, he's a fun character. Shrewpaw is awesome!**

**Howlsong- Thanks! **

**Brackenfern- Apparently in this universe she does. XD**

**Moonbeam141- I try :)**

**frogyjoe- I'll keep that in mind. Thanks! **

**I own _Warriors_. Yes, obviously, I do. You can see that plainly. (Note the sarcasm).**

"SO HOW ARE WE GOING TO MAKE THESE DONUTS?" Shrewpaw asked Brackenfur as they stood in the kitchen over the oven, waiting for the first batch of Ivypool's yellow donuts. Each batch was a dozen, and this was the first. Brackenfur sighed.

"I don't know. But Graystripe is coming back soon. Then we could make them in mass production."

"WE NEED A FACTORY YOU KNOW WHERE YOU CAN MAKE LOTS AND LOTS OF THINGS AT ONCE WITH ROBOTS I LOVE ROBOTS AT SCHOOL I'M TAKING A ROBOTICS CLASS WITH SQUIRRELFLIGHT OH MY GOSH I HAVE A CRUSH ON HER YOU KNOW BUT BRAMBLECLAW LIKES HER AND SO DOES STORMFUR WELL NOT ANYMORE AND SO DO A BUNCH OF OTHE PEOPLE AND I DON'T KNOW IF I'M GOOD AND MORAL ENOUGH FOR FIRESTAR'S DAUGHTER."

"Um..." Brackenfur meowed. "Should I hear this?"

"NO YOU SHOULDN'T EAVESDROP FERNCLOUD SAID NOT TO EAVESDROP."

"I wasn't eavesdropping," Brackenfur said, taking out the donuts. "You were talking to me."

"BRACKENFUR YOU SHOULDN'T LISTEN IN TO THINGS THAT AREN'T ABOUT YOU HOW DID FROSTFUR RAISE YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE EAVESDROPPING!"

"DON'T YOU INSULT MY MOTHER!" Brackenfur yelled at Shrewpaw.

"THEN DON'T EAVESDROP! IS CINDERPELT LIKE THIS? I DON'T THINK SO."

"STOP INSULTING MY FAMILY!" Brackenfur took one of the donuts off of the tray and slapped Shrewpaw with it. Shrewpaw, taken aback by Brackenfur's sudden attack, took a spoon and whacked the warrior with it.

"DON'T HIT ME WITH A DONUT!"

"DON'T INSULT MY FAMILY!"

"I WOULDN'T IF YOU DIDN'T EAVESDROP!"

"I WASN'T!"

The bell chimed over the door, and neither of them heard it. Cloudtail walked in with Snowkit. They were wearing mossball hats. Snowkit had just won his PeeWee Mossball game and were coming to celebrate with desert.

"Hi, Bracken- " Cloudtail began, then saw the fight in progress. "Um..." He covered Snowkit's eyes with his paw.

"HEY LOOK SOMEONE IS HERE BRACKENFUR," Shrewpaw exclaimed, stopping his onslaught with the spoon. "HELLO AND WELCOME TO BRACKENFUR AND GRAYSTRIPE'S DONUT SHOP. WOULD YOU LIKE A SAMPLE?"

"Er, no," Cloudtail mewed nervously, taking his paw away from his son's eyes. Snowkit began looking around the shop, his eyes wide. "We'd like half a dozen donuts for here. You see, Snowkit's Pee Wee mossball team just won, so we're celebrating."

"Sound good," Brackenfur meowed, shaking his head to clear the headache coming on. "What would you like? Chocolate? Vanilla? Make-Your-Own flavor?"

"One Mint, Two Triple Chocolate," Cloudtail meowed, then leaned down to talk to Snowkit. "What would you like?"

"Vole!" Snowkit squeaked. "One Vole-icing, one Strawberry, and one glazed," the white-furred tom said. Brackenfur nodded and went back into the fresh donut stores and boxed their order. He did it quickly, then gave it to them.

"It's free because your son's victory in the mossball game," he said cheerfully.

"Thank you!" Snowkit squeaked, taking the small box and taking it to a table. Cloudtail followed. As they sat down to eat their dessert, Brackenfur turned around to finish Ivypool's order.

"I'VE GOT ANOTHER DOZEN IN THE OVEN," Shrewpaw told him. "WE'VE GOT A LOT MORE TO GO."

"I know," Brackenfur sighed. "I wish we had a factory..."

Suddenly, the bell rang and the cat Brackenfur most wanted to see at that moment burst into the store.

"I have returned!" Graystripe declared. "Hello, Cloudtail, Snowkit." He shook hands with both patrons and then walked over to Brackenfur, flipped over, and went into the kitchen. "So, how is everything? What's in the oven?"

"Ivypool placed an order for ten thousand yellow donuts," Brackenfur told his former mentor.

"Well, that's much to big!" Graystripe mewed, frowning. "Oh, wait! I've got it!" He had a backpack on, so he set in on the island in the kitchen and opened it up. Shrewpaw and Brackenfur looked inside. There was a brown paper bag. Smirking, Graystripe took the bag out and took out the contents.

"IS THAT A GUN? GUNS ARE DANGEROUS," Shrewpaw announced.

"Sort of. It is..." Graystripe sounded pleased. "Drumroll please?"

"BADUMDUMDUMDUMDUMDUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMM!"

"A cloning gun!" the tom yowled, then shot it at the island. It hit one of the donuts on the tray that Brackenfur had taken out earlier. A donut appeared on top of the original. Brackenfur gasped.

"You just cloned it!"

"Indeed."

"Now we can make all of those donuts Ivypool ordered!"

"YEE-AS! WE DON'T NEED A FACTORY ANYMORE!" Shrewpaw exclaimed, jumping up and down.

"Okay, here is our plan," Brackenfur meowed. "Shrewpaw, I got a call earlier. You are going to be advertising the shop, so you have to go down to the TV recording studio in thirty minutes. Graystripe, you clone the donuts. I have to work the counter. If there is no one comes, I'll help you out, Graystripe. Get it?"

"Got it."

"Good. Now go!"

"HOW AM I GETTING TO THE STUDIO?" Shrewpaw asked.

"We rented a taxi," Brackenfur meowed. "Snowkit's – the one that I tried to save – Hawk Taxi Service."

"THAT'S GRIM," Shrewpaw noted. Graystripe nodded.

"I was in RiverClan when that happened," he said. Brackenfur sighed, sadly remembering the poor deaf kitten he hadn't been able to save.

Shrewpaw was about to go to wait outside for his Hawk Taxi, he accidentally slid his claws over the trigger of the cloning gun. That was facing him.

"WHOOPS!" Shrewpaw exclaimed.

"Oh, great..."

A second Shrewpaw appeared next to him, exact in every way.

"OH MY GOSH THERE ARE TWO MES," Both Shrewpaws' yowled at the same time. Brackenfur face-palmed, and Graystripe stared in horror.

"Fox-dung," Graystripe muttered. "This is getting better and better."


	4. Shrewpaw, You're a Wizard

**Brackenfern- Yep. They'd better, especially with what comes next. **

**I don't own _Warriors_. Or _Lord of the Rings_. You'll see why I say that. **

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"HELLO, CLAN CATS, ROGUES, LONERS, KITTYPETS, RATS, MICE, AND OTHER FRESH-KILL ANIMALS," Shrewpaw said into a microphone, standing in front of a green-screen with lights blaring in his face. The camera was trained on him, with Tansy, the ginger she-camera cat from the famous _Yellowfang and Nightcloud_ Show and _Win a Date With Nightcloud_, operating it.

"Can you please stop yelling everything, please?" Tansy said politely. She didn't want to annoy the apprentice, but the loud speech was getting on her nerves.

"WHAT YELLING THIS IS MY NORMAL VOICE," Shrewpaw replied, dropping the mic from his mouth. Tansy sighed.

"Cut! Restart!" She called, ending the film. She raised one paw and counted down on her claws. "Three, two, one... Action!"

"HELLO CLAN CATS, ROGUES, LONERS, KITTYPETS, RATS, MICE, BLOODCLAN, AND OTHER FRESH-KILL. HAS YOUR MOUTH WATERED RECENTLY FOR A NICE JUICY MOUSE - "

"Donuts, Shrewpaw," Tansy said, drumming her claws on her lap. "This is an advertisement for Brackenfur - "

"AND GRAYSTRIPE'S DONUT SHOPPE."

"Wait," the ginger cat meowed, confused. "If you know the name so well, why are you talking about mice?"

"BECAUSE I'D LIKE TO EAT A MOUSE RIGHT NOW. OR SOME POPCORN. I LOVE POPCORN," Shrewpaw said.

"Well, I'll buy you mouse jerky from RiverClan Pro Shop if you do this commercial right," Tansy promised. "But please, remember the script."

"OKAY. RESTART."

"Thank you." Tansy reset the film, and started recording again.

"HELLO CLAN CATS, ROGUES, LONERS, KITTYPETS, RATS, MICE, BLOODCLAN, AND OTHER FRESH-KILL. HAS YOUR MOUTH WATERED RECENTLY FOR A GOOD PASTRY OR A DONUT? THEN COME ON DOWN TO - "

"BRACKENFUR AND GRAYSTRIPE'S DONUT SHOPPE!" a dreaded voice rang out from the entrance to the studio. Both Tansy – very annoyed now – and a bewildered Shrewpaw turned to the door of the studio to see...

The clone of Shrewpaw strutted in, walking as if he owned the place.

"WHY ARE YOU HERE?" Real Shrewpaw demanded.

"I'M GOING TO DO THE ADVERTISEMENT," Clone Shrewpaw explained.

"NO YOU AREN'T," Real Shrewpaw protested. "THAT'S MY JOB. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HELPING GRAYSTRIPE IN THE KITCHEN." After Shrewpaw was cloned, the Clone had been sent to help Graystripe clone donuts.

"BRACKENFUR TOLD ME TO GO TAKE A BREAK. WE'RE ALMOST DONE WITH THE CLONING OF DONUTS, AND I DECIDED I WOULD HELP OUT HERE, SEEING THAT YOU AREN'T COMPETANT."

"HOW DARE YOU?" Real Shrewpaw hissed, unsheathing his claws. "I AM SOOOO MUCH MORE COMPETANT THAT YOU ARE!"

"Ladies, ladies, you're both pretty. Now please, Shrewpaw, lets get back to the filming," Tansy said, patience wearing thin. Clone Shrewpaw nodded and began to walk onto the stage, but Real Shrewpaw tackled him.

"YOU! SHALL NOT! PASS!" Real Shrewpaw said, suddenly donning a Gandalf the Gray cloak, hat, staff, and beard. Tansy stared in alarm as Clone Shrewpaw pulled on a Saruman the White costume, complete with a staff, and the two Shrewpaw's began fighting a wizard duel, as seen as _Lord of the Rings, the Fellowship of the Ring. _They began using their angelic powers to throw each other across the studio. Real Shrewpaw pushed Clone Shrewpaw into the lights, Clone Shrewpaw stumbled to his feet and sent Real Shrewpaw staggering backwards. Then Real Shrewpaw bashed the clone into the ceiling. Tansy couldn't watch; the whole spectacle was simply too confusing!

But Clone Shrewpaw – being Saruman, the head of the order of the Ishtari, wizards in _Lord of the Rings_ – was more powerful, and after a few knocks around, he used his powers to take Gandalf Shrewpaw's staff from him and raise him into the air. Gandalf Shrewpaw began spinning.

"I GAVE YOU THE CHANCE TO AIDE ME WILLINGLY," Saruman Shrewpaw hissed, lifting his template into the air. "BUT YOU HAVE ELECTED THE WAY OF PAIN!"

"WAIT!" Gandalf Shrewpaw said, stopping in mid-spin. Tansy face-palmed, but was getting everything on film anyway. She supposed she could show it at the Fourtrees Film Festival in a few months. "I DIDN'T ELECT ANYONE. I'M NOT OLD ENOUGH TO VOTE ANYWAY!"

"THAT ISN'T WHAT I MEANT," Saruman Shrewpaw growled.

"THEN DON'T SAY THINGS YOU DIDN'T MEAN!" Gandalf Shrewpaw exclaimed. "YOU COULD HURT SOMEONES FEELINSG BY DOING THAT!"

"WHAT?"

"YOU COULD!"

"I DON'T GET IT!" Clone Shrewpaw snarled, his Saruman garb disappearing as he stopped reciting lines. "I SAID WHAT I MEANT."

"BUT I DIDN'T ELECT ANYONE!" Gandalf Shrew said, dropping to the ground. He got to his paws and took his staff back from the floor. "ELECT MEANS VOTE! I DIDN'T VOTE FOR PAIN! PAIN? WHO IS PAIN, ANYWAY? PAINSTAR? PAINFOOT? PAINPAW? DID HE GET A THORN IN HIS PAW? IF SO, WHY AM I VOTING FOR HIM? HE CAN'T BE A GOOD CLAN LEADER IF HE CAN'T WATCH WHERE HE IS GOING!"

"OH, FORGET IT!" Clone Shrewpaw sighed. "YOU DON'T GET IT."

"GET THIS!" Gandalf Shrewpaw yowled, then used the staff to send his clone flying, out of the room, out of the building, and probably back to the donut shop.

Tansy shook her head, then turned the camera towards herself. "Please, buy donuts from these poor souls," she said, sighing. "These two cats need serious therapy. Really. Please. Buy donuts and the money will go for getting them help. Because dang, they really have some problems."

Brackenfur was sitting in the kitchen, gazing in horror at the advertisement for his shop, airing for the first time on ClanTV. It showed Real and Clone Shrewpaw dueling to their apparent deaths, wearing Gandalf the Gray and Saruman the White costumes and using their powers, while arguing over the meaning of the word 'elect'. Then Tansy, the director, turns it around and says that the two of them need therapy.

"This is horrible!" Brackenfur exclaimed, burying his head in his paws. "This gives a horrible impression!"

"Hey, look on the bright sparkly side," Graystripe said, leaning on a chair with his legs propped on a table, popping popcorn into his mouth and munching loudly. "We'll get lots of visitors from _Lord of the Rings_ fans and people who feel bad for us, having to work with those two and all."

"Sparkly? There's a sparkly side to this?" Brackenfur sighed. "I don't see it!"

"You know, I have an idea for cosplaying... Gandalf the Graystripe. Then I can get Whitestorm to be Saruman the Whitestorm... hmm..." the older striped tom mused, glancing at the ceiling.

"Yeah, Gandalf the Graystripe. I like that name."


End file.
